Get Rid of the Have Tos and Should Dos
You can put so much pressure on yourself with the have tos and should dos of life. Who wants to feel more pressure and stress? I know you don’t! (I don’t either)
Life can be stressful for a stay at home mom of four who volunteers every ounce of free time she has because she feels guilty or ‘less than’ if she doesn’t. Then, she doesn’t have the time she wants to build her online business or spend with her kids.
Life can be pressure-filled for the business woman. She wakes up at the crack of dawn to wipe the sleepy crusties from her eyes, grab a coffee (and maybe a cookie some sort of breakfast) and get dressed in her spotless, perfectly fitting business attire before the demands start.
So how does a person escape the trap of have tos and should dos? Here are three strategies that have proven to work well in my clients lives:
1) Prioritize what’s most important to you
Often people prioritize what they feel they should do over what they want to do. Do you prioritize showing up perfectly and always fitting in? Or are other things important to you like feeling healthy, living life with integrity and vibrancy? It’s up to you to determine what your top values are so you have a compass to guide your decisions.
2) Create Realistic Expectations
Instead of producing stress and pressure, realistic expectations bring you peace of mind and self confidence because they actually enable you to meet your goals! Creating expectations you can meet requires you to stop comparing yourself to others.
If you’ve set the bar way too high for yourself, it’s time to re-evaluate. Are you aiming to live a life that others will approve of or one that makes you feel fulfilled? Do you really need to say yes to more work so others won’t secretly judge you as lazy and unmotivated? You’re not superman or catwoman but you’re super awesome! Realistic expectations allow you to conserve your energy so you can use your super powers when you really need them.
3) Start Using Boundaries
Boundaries help you keep the good in and bad out, like a fence around your property. Look at the activities and people you regularly commit to. Do you say yes due to an “I should” feeling then you’ll need to re-evaluate what’s motivating your decisions. Usually a ‘should-I really don’t want to‘ feeling is motivated by guilt or fear.
One way you can develop healthier boundaries (so you can have more energy and more time) is to start questioning your old beliefs and establish healthier ones. Here are a few you might want to start believing:
“I’m enough. Right now, not if or when, right now”
“I’m worthy of spending my time on”
“I’m just as valuable as anyone else”
“What’s important to me matters”
“It’s my responsibility to create the life I want”
Implement these three steps and watch the shoulds and have tos drop off your list. My desire is that you would create time freedom and balance for yourself. Imagine how you would feel and how you would spend your time!
With Love,
Amy
