Forgiveness-3 Essentials When Forgiving
I didn’t know if I really wanted to forgive this time. After being married for nearly 15 years, you either decide you’re going to give it your all or throw in the towel. Throwing in the towel has never been an option so learning to forgive is what I decided to do!
My husband isn’t the big meany. It’s just he’s not perfect and makes mistakes. Unlike me. Ooooo! Can you feel the sarcasm dripping from every word? For real now, I’ve been on the other end of the line and have hurt my husband’s feelings before. No doubt! I need to work on myself still! This time it was definitely me who needed to do the forgiving.
I left the house in tears, feeling frustrated, heading for the garden to “crush some weeds!”
Sometimes others words or actions hurt. I mean, really hurt. Thankfully I can look back on the argument, reflect and learn. This is what I want to share with you in hopes that you’ll find a golden nugget of truth for yourself…something you can grab and run with, to apply to your heart-life.
When you’ve been hurt, it’s pretty natural to get all defensive or angry. I got pretty steamy today and not in the romantic way! I raised my voice too loud, lost all ability to form my words properly, but thankfully didn’t say anything I regretted later.
- Let Yourself Feel
Anger is normal. It’s important that you let yourself FEEL pain, anger, rejection, whatever feelings come up. That’s the first step.
So I cried in the garden shed, pretty loudly. That felt good. Then I channeled my emotions straight into the veggie garden bed which produced spotless beds nearly ready for planting. I was on my way to the second step.
- Rumenate to Rot – Reflect To Feel Refreshed
For a few minutes I rumenated in the words my husband had said that hit me hard, the ones I disliked the most. Well, that felt horrible. If you want to wallow in those feelings of deep pain and low self worth, rumenate on everything that went wrong in a conversation. Yeah, that’s right. Just keep re-playing the scene over and over again. OR…A much happier, healthier approach that will help to lift you out of the pit, is to reflect.
When you reflect on the words that were spoken or hurtful actions taken, you are looking for the grain of truth inside. This doesn’t mean that you should accept someone else’s behaviour even if you can learn from it. Reflecting helps you get your eyes off the pain and onto opportunity for growth.
In this situation I was able to find the truth for myself and stop myself from digging a deeper hole by redirecting my thoughts.
- How Do They See Things?
I reminded myself that I screw up too. I make mistakes with my words, lack of thoughtfulness at times. I need forgiveness just as much as he does. If I expect to be forgiven, why wouldn’t I extend forgiveness to him? People (you and I) do and say things because they are stressed, because they’ve had too much coffee, because they haven’t taken the time to think before they speak.
Consider where others are coming from. What might be going on in their heads and hearts to cause you pain? Considering these things helps you get out of your feelings and consider theirs. Empathy is powerful. Taking off your shoes, putting theirs on and viewing the world from that standpoint gives you a fresh perspective, enabling you to flex your forgiveness muscles.
Forgiveness isn’t easy but the benefits are huge. Forgiveness = deeper connection with your family and friends, a happy, light heart, personal growth and transformation, opportunity for peace of mind and ability to rest.
