Anita’s Story (Part 2): Because Sometimes A Girl’s Gotta Talk

Anita’s Story (Part 2):  Because Sometimes A Girl’s Gotta Talk

When Anita and I met for our second coaching session she told me she always felt able to handle everything, until now!  Her selfishness, ego and pride had held her back from asking for help in the past.  This was not going to be her story any longer.

Today’s 1st Goal:  Asking For Help

Her beliefs about how people would view her (or how she would view herself) had held her back from asking for help.  When she didn’t reach out, she found she gave all her free time to work and family needs.  She felt she had none left for herself.

Good thing that today is a new day and we all can choose to grow!!

She decided that she was going to start working on asking for help.  She also adopted the belief that the ability to ask for help is a strength, not a weakness.  Also, that people viewed her as more competent and relatable when she asked for help.

This leads me to a breakthrough Anita experienced later in our hour together.  Reaching out for help from others let’s them into your world and vice versa.  Communication is key to making this happen.  If you don’t communicate, how will you get the help you need or understand what’s really going on in someone else’s mind?

Getting Rid Of Defensiveness (Today’s 2nd Goal)

Anita often felt that others words and actions always meant something about her.  She took things personally before asking others if her interpretations were accurate.

She would often invite her sister (and sisters family) over for dinner.  Rarely would she get a yes from her sister.  Anita felt rejected.  Her automatic thoughts were:

“She doesn’t really like us or care about us.”

“She doesn’t really feel like being close to us as a family.”

Her natural reaction was to think, “If we’re not important to you than I’ll stop making an effort too.”  I asked Anita to reflect on her sister and her sister’s response from a fresh perspective.

What if you checked out your assumptions with others before reacting.  What if you thought about things more before reacting?  How would that change your relationships?

If you’re prone to taking things personally and then becoming defensive, remember that others reactions and comments might not be all about you.

Anita started to shift her thoughts away from herself and more towards what might be happening in others lives.

Her New Empowering Thoughts Were:

Check it out before you react.

Think before you react.

Others are different from me and that’s ok.

Others have different values and that’s ok.

When she focused on her new empowering thoughts she felt less rejected and less like giving up on her sister.  You can learn to ask for help just like Anita and make mental shifts that empower you.  It starts with you having a desire to grow.  When you invest in yourself you’ll learn tools to shift your thoughts and you’ll have more time for you.