How to Make Fighting with your Spouse Fun!

During the summer months of June, July and August (I’m proclaiming that summer has started on the West Coast!) I’ll be showing you how to successfully make it through transitions and get to the next best level in your relationships and careers. I’ll call it my “Movin’ on Up” series. So follow along and receive insight, tips and practical wisdom you can put to use right away. To start off let’s focus on…

 

Making Fighting Fun

By Amy Englemark

 

First off, let’s define “fighting”.  I’m talking about an uncomfortable conversation between two people who love each other but have reached a point of frustration or misunderstanding with each other.

 

Just Communicate!

Have you ever heard that people who fight are better off than those who don’t? I believe it. For one, if you fight, it must mean you’re communicating with your spouse. That’s a good thing! So many people bottle up their feelings until one day the cork POPS out of the bottle and we spew on those nearest and dearest to us. Strange, that we think it’s ok to do this to the ones we love the most.

 

So, let’s say, you’ve come to the point in your relationship where you are fairly well versed at communicating (even when you’d rather not). Do you find the conversion sliding down into a “dark” place? Did you know there IS a way to fight AND have fun? Did you know you can actually make fighting funny? I’m not saying that you’re going to love disagreeing with your spouse after you read this but you may not dread a good fight here and there.

 

Lighten the conversation with a joke…

Over the years my husband has shown me how to throw a good joke or subtle sarcasm into the middle of a fight. This simple act is refreshing and shifts the feeling of the moment from heavy to light. He’s still better at it than I am but I’m working on it!

 

Jokes can be taken the wrong way so you must use wisdom when choosing what’s funny to say. For example, “You look hilarious when you’re so serious” (ha ha ha) could easily be met by defensiveness. Whereas, “Your eyebrows are doing that funny thing they do when you’re serious. Let’s figure out how to get them back to normal” makes way for opportunity to let go of stress and overcome obstacles as a team.

 

You might want to make fun of yourself! Making fun of yourself shows others and yourself that you’re not perfect and that’s ok. And hey, admitting when you’ve goofed doesn’t hurt either. It ends the fight sooner and allows for a lighter, loving flow of conversation.

 

Opportunity for growth

If you look at a good fight as an opportunity to overcome frustration and misunderstanding as a team then you will be much more likely to focus on your strengths as a team instead of your individual differences.

 

Try it! Next time you feel the need to unleash on your partner, think of some inside joke only known to the two of you. Slide this into your conversation (ie. Fight) and see how doing so changes the focus and feeling. Laughing or smiling during a fight will add years to your life and years to your relationship! And who doesn’t want to grow old with the one they love!

 

Amy

 

Remember, leave your comments below and I will personally reply to them. Let me know how you make your fights fun. Looking forward to finding out!