How To Be Yourself Instead Of People Pleasing
How To Be Yourself Instead Of People Pleasing
So many people base their security and confidence on the approval of others. So often people hold back from saying what needs to be said, expressing feelings or talking about difficult topics because they don’t want to lose face.
People want to be liked by others.
From a very young age we want to feel loved and accepted. We want others to like us. We go to the extent of walking around on egg shells to make sure others will like us, but we end up feeling tired and drained! If you never stop giving, eventually you’re going to feel depleted.
Are you someone who wants everyone around you to be happy and you’ll do whatever it takes to keep it that way?
The truth is…when you lead, parent and do business from a place of authenticity, people respect and trust you more. Business starts to boom and personal relationships blossom when you make decisions in line with your values.
STOP saying yes when you mean no. Start communicating from a place of personal confidence.
But HOW?!
Taking action requires you to face your fears. You might be afraid that people will judge you. Maybe they’ll cut you from their group of friends or colleagues…exclude you until you feel completely alone.
Is it even worth it to express yourself, to start shining instead of bottling up who you really are? Of course! People will respect you more. They will trust you more because they know you’re being open and honest, even if they don’t agree with you.
Here are strategies to help you get off the people pleasing treadmill and start being yourself again:
1. Remind yourself of your priorities
What’s most important to you matters! Before you speak up (whether in a business meeting or with friends), ask yourself, “What matters most to me right now?” Asking yourself this question will motivate you to take action in alignment with your values, not your fears.
2. Create an empowering visual
Ignite your courage and confidence before expressing yourself by visualizing. Some of my clients like to picture themselves putting on a “courageous hat” before they have difficult conversations with employees or team members. Others visualize the word “NO” in big, bright letters to remind themselves to prioritize what’s important to THEM, not everyone else.
3. Be assertive, not rude
Some people worry that if they speak their mind that they’ll come across as rude or selfish. The thing to keep in mind here is that the people you’re talking to just want to feel heard and understood. You can share difficult things in a caring way.
You give them a crap sandwich.
Let them know you understand where they’re coming from. Express your appreciation for them or the work they do. Then let them know what needs to be improved or what you need to get off your chest. In the case of someone who is asking you to help when you don’t want to, let them know that, unfortunately, you can’t…maybe someone else would be better suited for the job or maybe later would be a better time. Then, let them know again how you appreciate them…add something good to end the conversation off with.
A hint: when talking about something that makes you uncomfortable (maybe saying the word “no”) it’s easy to say sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong. Avoid apologizing when it’s not your fault!
Start expressing yourself in small ways and making decisions in alignment with YOUR priorities (not someone elses). You’ll find that the more little steps you take to building your courage and facing your fears, the easier it becomes. You’ll also notice that your biggest fears rarely ever happen and that the pros of breaking out of your cage of comfort far outweigh the cons!
